Self-harm. A term that often evokes discomfort, misunderstanding, or silence. I didn’t know much about it, I researched, I read, I watched videos, I shook my head in shock, in awe; I had tears – It is a topic many people shy away from, not out of fear, but because they don’t know:
What to say,
How to act, or
Even how to begin to understand
Yet, for those living with it, self-harm is a deeply personal struggle, often hidden behind smiles, long sleeves, and carefully constructed masks. It is not attention-seeking; it is a desperate cry for relief, an attempt to cope with emotions or pain that feel impossible to express.
For many individuals, self-harm is not about wanting to die. It is about trying to find a way to live, even when life feels unbearable. It is about creating a physical pain that can distract from an overwhelming emotional pain. For others, it may be a way to feel something – anything – in the midst of emotional numbness. These acts, often misunderstood, reflect a complexity of emotions that words alone cannot capture or even attempt to understand.
Globally, self-harm affects millions, with statistics showing that young people are most at risk. In the United Kingdom, the National Health Service (NHS) has reported an alarming rise in self-harm incidents, particularly among teenagers.
The reasons are multifaceted; ranging from mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression, to societal pressures, bullying, trauma, and feelings of isolation.
Each statistic represents a person; someone’s child, friend, sibling, or colleague trying to navigate their way through an often never-ending internal storm.
Self-harm does not discriminate. It crosses age, gender, culture, and society boundaries, silently affecting individuals in all walks of life. Its secrecy often makes it difficult to detect. Stigma and Taboo adds another layer of isolation for those struggling. Many feel they cannot reach out for help, fearing judgment or misunderstanding from even their closest friends and family.
This post seeks to dismantle the stigma surrounding self-harm, to shine a light on the reality of this hidden pain, and to provide a passionate roadmap for understanding, supporting, and guiding those who are struggling. It is not about casting blame or seeking simple answers, but about promoting empathy, education, and hope.
By the end of this post, you will not only understand more about what self-harm is but also the steps we can all take to provide support, break the cycle of silence, and build a culture where no one feels the need to struggle alone.
These last two posts in my Mental Health series have been challenging, the youtubes I have watched, the posts and information I have read – all stories to help me understand and pull together the content and allow me to build these essential “live saving” posts, have been emotional, thought-provoking, tearful (yes I am not afraid to admit it) and mind altering in how I think and understand the growing misinformation surrounding Mental Health.
Remember; this is not just a conversation, it is a lifeline. It is an opportunity to reach out, to listen, and to stand alongside those who feel trapped. It is a chance to say, “You are not alone,” and for you to mean it.
Self-harm is often shrouded in misunderstanding, fear, and stigma. It is a term that carries weight, evoking confusion or judgement in those who have never experienced it and silence in those who have. To understand self-harm is to step into a world where emotional pain becomes so intense that individuals turn to physical acts to cope, to release, or to feel in control.
At its core, self-harm refers to the deliberate act of inflicting physical injury upon oneself. It can take many forms:
However, self-harm is not a disorder in itself. It is often a symptom, a behaviour that reflects an underlying struggle with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
For some individuals, self-harm serves as a coping mechanism; a way to express emotions that feel overwhelming, confusing, or simply too painful to articulate. For others, it provides a sense of control or relief, however fleeting. Contrary to popular misconceptions, self-harm is not always an indicator of suicidal intent. Many who self-harm do so as an attempt to survive rather than end their lives. However, the risk of accidental or unintended fatality remains, making it all the more critical to address.
The reasons behind self-harm are as varied and complex as the individuals who experience it. For some, it is a response to trauma; a way to externalise inner turmoil. For others, it may stem from feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, or guilt. The act of inflicting physical pain can provide temporary relief, distracting from emotional distress or creating a release for built-up tension.
Social factors also play a significant role:
In an era dominated by social media, the constant exposure to curated images of “perfect lives” can amplify feelings of inadequacy or failure, particularly among young people. The pressure to conform, succeed, or belong can leave individuals feeling trapped and unable to express their struggles in healthy ways.
One of the most heart-breaking aspects of self-harm is the silence that surrounds it. Many who self-harm go to great lengths to hide their behaviour, driven by fear of judgment, shame, or rejection. This “secrecy” often creates a vicious cycle; where hiding the behaviour leads to isolation, and isolation intensifies the emotional pain that drives the behaviour in the first place.
Friends and family may struggle to understand, often reacting with shock, anger, or confusion when they discover that someone they care about is self-harming. These reactions, while natural, can deepen the sense of shame or isolation that the individual feels, making it even harder for them to reach out for help.
Understanding self-harm begins with compassion. It requires moving beyond judgment to ask,
“What pain is this person carrying that has led them here?“
It means creating safe spaces for conversations, free from blame or assumptions. For those struggling, the simple act of being heard, without fear of condemnation, can be the first step toward healing.
Self-harm is not an easy topic to address, but it is a necessary one. By acknowledging its existence, understanding its causes, and breaking down the barriers of stigma, we can help those who are suffering to see that there are healthier ways to cope, to express, and to heal. This is not just about saving lives; it is about restoring hope and dignity to those who feel they have lost both.
Okay, so let me be frank and break the misconception now –
Self-harm is not just an act of physical injury.
It is a scream in the dark, an unspoken plea for help that many cannot articulate in words.
It is not attention-seeking behaviour, nor is it a sign of weakness. It is pain made visible. It is the evolving reality of an emotional storm raging inside a person who feels they have nowhere to turn and no one to hear them.
Imagine carrying a pain so heavy that the only way to release it is to transfer it to your body. For many, the act of self-harm becomes their only way to cope with a world that feels relentless, overwhelming, and unforgiving. Every cut, bruise, or scar carries a story; stories of heartbreak, rejection, loneliness, or unbearable pressure. These marks are not just physical; they are the shadows of emotions too vast to contain.
For some, self-harm is the only way to feel alive in a world where numbness has taken over. Depression, trauma, and anxiety can rob a person of their ability to feel anything at all. The physical pain, though instantly felt, reminds them they are still alive and still human. It is a paradox and also tragic; a desperate attempt to grasp at life through the very act of harming oneself.
In a life spinning out of control, self-harm offers a grim semblance of order. For a person drowning in chaos, whether it be the chaos of their mind, their relationships, or their environment, inflicting harm becomes the one thing they can control. It may be a ritual, a methodical process that brings a sense of calm to their inner turmoil. But this control is short-lived, leaving them trapped in a cycle of relief and regret.
The internal thoughts of someone who self-harms can be devastating:
“I’m not good enough.“
“I’ve failed.“
“I deserve this.“
These are not truths but lies that mental health issues force upon their victims. The act of self-harm often becomes a punishment; a way to silence the inner critic that grows louder with every perceived failure or mistake. The scars on their body become a physical representation of the shame and guilt they carry.
Perhaps the most heart-wrenching aspect of self-harm is the silence surrounding it. So many suffer alone, hiding their pain out of fear of judgment, rejection, or disbelief. They cover their scars, lie about their wounds, and push away the very people who could help. Why? Because society has taught them that vulnerability is weakness and that asking for help is shameful.
But self-harm is not weakness; it is survival. It is the only way some people know how to cope with a world that feels like it is breaking them. While it may seem incomprehensible to those who have never experienced it, self-harm is a language, a desperate attempt to say:
“I am hurting. Please, help me.”
To those who have never self-harmed, it may be easy to dismiss it as irrational or melodramatic, but judgment only deepens the wounds. Compassion, on the other hand, can be transformative. A kind word, a listening ear, or a simple gesture of understanding can begin to bridge the depths of loneliness that leads so many people to harm themselves.
Every scar tells a story, and every story matters. The path to healing begins not with lectures or solutions but with empathy and support. To see the person behind the pain, to acknowledge their struggles, and to remind them that they are not alone; this is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Self-harm is more common than many realise. It is not confined to any one demographic, age group, or cultural background. It happens in schools, workplaces, and homes. It happens to your colleagues, your friends, your siblings, and your children. Yet, the stigma surrounding it forces those who self-harm into silence, perpetuating their pain.
As a society we must do better. We must create spaces where people feel safe to talk about their struggles without fear of judgment. We must educate ourselves and others, challenging the misconceptions that keep self-harm in the shadows. Most importantly, we must remind those who are struggling that they are not alone and that help is always available.
As mentioned above, self-harm often exists in the shadows, hidden behind long sleeves, forced smiles, and rehearsed answers. It’s a behaviour steeped in secrecy, leaving those closest to the individual struggling to see the depth of the pain that drives it.
For many, self-harm is a silent language; a desperate attempt to express internal agony when words feel inadequate or inaccessible.
The most visible indicators of self-harm are often found on the body: unexplained cuts, burns, bruises, or scars. However, the signs don’t always appear in obvious places. Individuals may intentionally harm areas that are less likely to be seen, like the upper thighs, abdomen, or soles of their feet. When questioned, these injuries are often dismissed with vague or rehearsed explanations:
“It was an accident,“ or
“I’m just clumsy.“
The sheer repetition of injuries or patterns in their occurrence should raise alarm bells. It’s not just the visible wounds; it’s the tendency to hide behind long sleeves in the summer heat, the reluctance to engage in activities that involve showing skin, or the layers of makeup used to conceal bruises and scars.
Self-harm doesn’t just leave physical traces; it also appears as changes in behaviour. Someone who self-harms may withdraw from social interactions, preferring solitude over connection. They may become increasingly non-communicative, guarding their personal space or habits with an intensity that feels out of place. You might notice a heightened sensitivity to seemingly innocuous questions, an aversion to direct eye contact, or a growing distance that is hard to explain.
Even a person’s habits may shift in unsettling ways. Individuals may stockpile objects that can be used to harm themselves; sharp tools, lighters, or even chemicals. These items, often hidden in plain sight, are a silent testament to the internal war a person may be waging.
Those who self-harm often exhibit heightened emotional volatility. They may swing between moments of profound sadness, anger, or numbness; an emotional whiplash that leaves loved ones confused and concerned. These shifts are not just mood swings; they are the visible fragments of a heart and mind struggling to cope.
Language becomes another tell-tale sign. Casual remarks such as:
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” or
“Nothing matters anymore,”
can carry layers of pain when spoken with a hollow voice or blank stare. Jokes about death, self-deprecation, or worthlessness, even when delivered with a laugh, can mask cries for help that feel safer cloaked in humour.
In today’s connected world, the digital realm can offer critical insights into someone’s mental state. Cryptic social media posts, sudden deactivations, or the sharing of dark, despairing imagery can all be warning signs. Individuals may seek solace in online forums or communities that discuss self-harm, looking for validation or understanding in spaces where anonymity feels safer. These digital behaviours often go unnoticed, but for someone willing to look, they can provide a map of someone’s internal struggle.
The weight of missing these signs can be devastating. Families are left with questions that have no answers, plagued by guilt over what they didn’t see or didn’t know how to understand and help. Friends replay conversations in their minds, agonising over what they missed or could have said differently. These regrets are sharp, lingering reminders of how crucial it is to see the signs before it’s too late.
For the person self-harming, the cost is even greater. Every missed sign feels like confirmation that their pain is invisible, unworthy of attention or care. It deepens their sense of isolation, driving them further into the abyss.
Recognising the signs of self-harm is not about being intrusive or prying; it is about being present, observant, and compassionate. It is about creating an environment where someone feels safe enough to let down their guard and reveal the truth of their pain. Every sign you notice, every question you ask, every moment of care you offer can be the lifeline that pulls someone back from the edge.
By learning to see the silent cries for help, we take the first step in breaking the cycle of pain and isolation. And in doing so, we honour the purpose of this mental health series, to turn silence into conversation, stigma into understanding, and despair into hope and recovery.
Imagine waking up every day feeling trapped in your own body, the weight of unspoken pain pressing down on you like an anchor. For those who self-harm, the act becomes a desperate attempt to gain control when everything else feels chaotic. It provides a fleeting release, a temporary escape, but it comes at a devastating cost.
The physical toll can be brutal. Infections, nerve damage, and permanent scarring serve as a constant reminder of the struggle. But the deeper wounds lie within. The shame and guilt that follow each act of self-harm create a vicious cycle; an unrelenting loop where relief is immediately replaced by regret. Over time, this cycle can erode an individual’s sense of self-worth, convincing them that they are unworthy of help or compassion.
For families, discovering a loved one’s self-harm is like stepping into a storm they never saw coming. A mother who stumbles upon blood-stained tissues in her teenager’s bedroom may feel a gut-wrenching mixture of fear and failure. A brother or sister, unsure of how to help, may retreat into silence, fearing that their words could do more harm than good.
Parents, in particular, carry a unique burden. They question every decision they have ever made, haunted by thoughts of:
“What did I miss? What could I have done differently?”
The stigma surrounding self-harm often keeps families from seeking professional help, isolating them further in their grief and confusion.
Friends are often the first to notice when someone begins to withdraw or change. A close friend might catch glimpses of scars or overhear cryptic remarks but feel paralysed by uncertainty.
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“What if I push them further away?”
These questions can lead to inaction, leaving the individual to battle their demons alone.
Even for those who do speak up, the emotional toll can be immense. Supporting a friend who self-harms often feels like walking a tightrope, balancing between offering support and respecting boundaries. The weight of this responsibility can strain friendships, leaving both parties feeling isolated and misunderstood.
In the workplace, the effects of self-harm are often masked behind professionalism and routine. An employee struggling with self-harm may throw themselves into work as a distraction, only to find their performance suffering as the emotional weight becomes too much to bear. Absenteeism and presenteeism become common, yet the root cause remains unaddressed.
Colleagues, unaware of the struggles unfolding in front of them, may misinterpret behaviours as laziness or disengagement. This lack of understanding perpetuates the isolation felt by the individual and creates an environment where vulnerability is seen as weakness.
For many, the workplace consumes more time than any other aspect of life. Yet, the emotional toll of self-harm on colleagues and teams is rarely addressed. When an organisation fails to prioritise mental health, the effects ripple through its workforce; lower morale, reduced productivity, and increased turnover are just the beginning.
Workplaces that demand long hours and unrealistic expectations often enhance feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm. The mantra “Work to Live, NOT Live to Work” becomes hollow when employees are pushed beyond their limits. In these environments, self-harm becomes a hidden coping mechanism for some, a desperate way to reclaim a sense of control in a system that feels unrelenting.
Self-harm carries with it a stigma so heavy that it often silences those who need help the most. It is not just the act itself but the crushing fear of judgment, the whispered labels of “weak” or “attention-seeking,” and the endless cycle of concealment and shame. For too many, the scars they hide become prisons, isolating them from the support that could save their lives.
Mental Health First Aiders (MHFAs) are not just part of the solution; they are the lifeline that can transform stigma into understanding, silence into conversation, and fear into hope. Their role is not one of a saviour, but one as an ally, walking alongside individuals on their darkest days.
Imagine a teenager sitting in their bedroom, clutching a blade with trembling hands. The physical pain is a distraction from the unbearable storm within. They know they need help but cannot bring themselves to speak:
“What if they think I’m crazy?”
“What if they tell me to stop being dramatic?”
These questions echo louder than the cries for help they desperately want to voice.
Now imagine the silence that follows them to school, where teachers are too busy or too unaware to notice the hidden signs. At home, parents may dismiss the behaviour as rebellion or attention-seeking, unable to fathom the depth of their child’s pain. And in workplaces, colleagues turn a blind eye to long sleeves on a hot summer day, too uncomfortable to ask what they fear might be a difficult question.
This is the weight of stigma. It is not just ignorance, it is a wall that traps people in their suffering, preventing them from reaching for help.
Mental Health First Aiders break down this wall, brick by painful brick. Their strength lies in their willingness to listen; not to respond, not to solve, but simply to hold space for someone to share their truth, their pain, their need for help. In a world where vulnerability is often met with avoidance or platitudes, this kind of listening is revolutionary. As an MHFA sitting with a colleague who finally admits they have been self-harming. There is no shock, no judgment, just quiet acknowledgment of their pain.
“I’m here for you. I don’t have all the answers, but we’ll figure this out together.”
This simple act of validation can be the first step toward recovery, a moment that says,
“You are not alone.”
Part of the MHFA’s role is to challenge the harmful myths that surround self-harm. They educate colleagues, families, and communities, dismantling the narratives that perpetuate stigma.
“Self-harm is not a cry for attention. It is a coping mechanism, however destructive, for overwhelming pain. We need to understand it, not judge it.”
By addressing these misconceptions head-on, MHFAs create environments where seeking help is no longer seen as a weakness but as a courageous act of self-care.
The impact of an MHFA extends far beyond the individual they support. When they intervene, they set an example for others, creating a ripple effect that changes workplace cultures and family dynamics and attitudes.
The work of an MHFA is not easy. It requires courage to sit with someone’s pain, to hear their story without flinching, and to guide them toward help without overstepping boundaries. But it is work that can saves lives; not through grand gestures but through the quiet power of presence and empathy.
Breaking the stigma surrounding self-harm is not a task for MHFAs alone. It is a collective responsibility, one that starts with each of us. By educating ourselves, challenging our own biases, and creating spaces where vulnerability is met with kindness, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that keep people in silence.
Recovery from self-harm is not a linear path; it is a journey paved with courage, support, and access to the right resources. For individuals struggling with self-harm, and those supporting them, knowing where to turn for help can be the lifeline that saves lives. Here I provide a comprehensive guide to support systems and resources available in the UK and globally.
For many, picking up the phone and speaking to someone anonymously is the first step toward recovery. Helplines offer a confidential and non-judgmental space, often staffed by trained professionals or volunteers who understand the intricacies of mental health and self-harm.
Samaritans (116 123): Available 24/7, Samaritans offer a listening ear to anyone in distress. Whether it is a crisis or a need to talk, they provide a safe space to be heard. Visit Samaritans
National Self-Harm Network (NSHN) Forum: An online platform offering support, advice, and understanding for those who self-harm and their families. Visit NSHN Forum
Shout (Text 85258): A 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis, providing immediate support. Visit Shout
The journey to recovery often involves professional interventions such as therapy, counselling, or medical assistance. Knowing where to begin can feel overwhelming, but there are pathways designed to make this process easier.
NHS Mental Health Services: In the UK, individuals can access mental health support through their GP. Depending on the severity of their situation, they may be referred to a specialist or offered counselling services. Visit NHS Mental Health Services
Mind: A leading mental health charity offering a range of resources, including local support networks, information on therapy options, and advocacy for those navigating the mental health system. Visit Mind
Isolation can elevate the pain of self-harm. Community and peer-led support groups provide an invaluable space for connection, understanding, and shared experiences.
Self-Injury Support: This UK-based organisation focuses on supporting women and young people affected by self-harm. They offer helplines, text services, and resources tailored to individual needs. Visit Self-Injury Support
YoungMinds: A charity dedicated to supporting young people’s mental health, providing resources for children, teenagers, and their parents or carers. Visit YoungMinds
Knowledge is empowerment. Providing access to educational materials can help individuals, families, and workplaces better understand self-harm and how to address it.
Mental Health Foundation: Offers comprehensive guides and toolkits on managing self-harm and building resilience. Visit Mental Health Foundation
Harmless: A user-led organisation that provides information, training, and support for those affected by self-harm. Visit Harmless
Employers, schools, and universities play a crucial role in supporting individuals affected by self-harm. Implementing mental health policies, offering training for staff, and fostering an environment of openness are critical steps.
MHFA England: Provides training courses for Mental Health First Aiders, equipping workplaces with the tools to support employees struggling with mental health issues. Visit MHFA England
Qualsafe – Quality in Education: To find out more about our Mental Health First Aid qualifications Visit Qualsafe Mental Health First Aid
Papyrus (Prevention of Young Suicide): Offers resources for schools, including training for staff and peer support programs. Visit Papyrus
The rise of mental health apps and digital platforms has provided new avenues for accessing support. While these tools should not replace professional care, they can complement it by offering immediate strategies and self-help guidance.
Calm Harm: An app designed to help individuals resist the urge to self-harm by offering alternative coping strategies. Visit Calm Harm
Headspace: A mindfulness and meditation app that helps individuals manage stress, anxiety, and emotional well-being. Visit Headspace
Providing resources is not just about sharing information; it is about extending a lifeline and showing those who struggle that they are not alone. Every link, phone number, or app listed here represents a doorway to hope and recovery. If you are supporting someone on their journey, remember that knowledge is power, and being informed is one of the greatest acts of care you can offer.
Self-harm is not just an individual battle; it is a societal challenge that demands awareness, empathy, and action. It thrives in the shadows of stigma, misunderstanding, and silence—shadows that we must collectively shine a light on. This post has explored the depths of self-harm, not to dwell on its pain but to dismantle the barriers that prevent healing and hope.
The stories I have shared are not abstract or distant realities, they represent real lives, real people, protecting who they are, and the real struggles. Each act of self-harm is a silent scream for understanding, a desperate attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions. Recognising this pain is the first step toward fostering a culture of support.
We cannot underestimate the power of noticing, listening, and acting. A colleague with sleeves pulled down on a hot day, a friend who becomes withdrawn, or a young person with unexplained injuries; these signs are not always easy to spot, but they are a call for help. In our workplaces, and homes, we have the opportunity to break through the silence and offer a lifeline.
Mental Health First Aiders (MHFAs) have a unique role in this journey, but they are not the only ones responsible for change. Every individual can be part of the solution. By educating ourselves, challenging stigma, and being present for those who need support, we become catalysts for recovery.
Imagine a world where no one feels the need to hide their pain, where seeking help is seen as a strength, and where conversations about mental health are as normal as those about physical health. This is not an unreachable idea; it is a future that can be built together.
Awareness is powerful, but action is transformative. After you finish reading this post, consider the steps you can take to make a difference:
Educate Yourself: Learn about self-harm and mental health to challenge misconceptions and support those in need – check out my series introduction for further information – Visit Mental Health Series Introduction
Speak Up: Use your voice to start conversations, advocate for mental health policies, or share this post with someone who may need it.
Offer Support: Whether you are an MHFA or not, extend kindness and understanding to those who may be struggling.
Leverage Resources: Use the tools and organisations highlighted in this post to guide individuals toward professional help.
The journey toward eradicating self-harm is not an easy one, but it is one worth undertaking. Each life saved, each moment of understanding, each act of compassion creates a ripple effect of change. The power to make a difference lies within all of us.
As I close this post (a post with no images, after they were removed due to concerns the images were too raw – so much for freedom of speech!!) in the series, let us carry forward the lessons of empathy and action. Let us remember that self-harm, like all mental health challenges, is not a solitary experience. Together, through awareness and unwavering support, we can help those struggling find the strength to heal.
Microsoft Solution Architect, Senior Project Manager, and Mental Health Advocate
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